I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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