so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
