he thought i was a dude.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i think i just lost a toe
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
