i was born a porn star she said
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
