it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
People in love make me want to vomit
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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