He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
