The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
