No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
