good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
