My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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