1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
