Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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