you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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