ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
