If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
