I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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