So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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