it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
