i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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