I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
