marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
