dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
