hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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