so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
