woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
