My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
