Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
