From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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