my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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