I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
