This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
