Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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