as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
