we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize