my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
