Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
