Need sex. Gaining weight.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
