I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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