Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
