He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
only you would photoshop your dick
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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