I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
