my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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