if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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