i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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