Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
