she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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