You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
