We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
