nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
