Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize