Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
