Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
