I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
