It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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