New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
