why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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