..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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