the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We have so much sex to catch up on
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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