we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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