According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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