Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
