I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
