i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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