I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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