i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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