thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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