he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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