what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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