You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
